avoidance

 

You lay awake until four in the morning

listening to Your wife

Your son

Your daughter

all snoring together

while Your breath comes fast

heaving

hurling

thoughts whirling through Your mind

at the speed of existential dread

 

it is then

when the grey light of the dark hours

the orange fluorescence flickers from the streetlamps

mix and illumine the bedroom

from a crack in the blackout curtains

that You find the strength

to confront Your mortality

 

it is not an easy battle

and You often lose

to the void of eternity stretching out

blank and yawning

hungry before You

 

and You weep, yes,

You weep

for the children You will leave behind

the lovers and the loathed

sunrise in winter

and the oversweet taste of snow cream

the crisp winds of autumn

and their reek of fallen leaves

the humid days of summer

cicadas screaming

and the birthdays

the promise of spring

and its whispers of bounty to come

 

what a cruel game

this life

to be given sentience

to go with Your death sentence

 

how the days turn to weeks turn to years in a flash

and how suddenly

all of this will be gone from You

and You won’t even know it

 

 

Hear it on SoundCloud.

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